Having never been in the armed services....

because they wouldn't have me, but having known quite a few in each service, I offer the following for your amusement. I don't know where it came from, but I found it at APS. Absolutely hysterical, and so far as I can tell, entirely true to life....

US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army,
because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over
waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a
valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by
their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services.
I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at
all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of
"Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy
sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will
believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the
knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those
around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"
____________________
Signature
____________________
Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise
mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high
enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for
the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will
wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my
uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell
myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told
me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a
court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will
make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is
because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my
Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different
Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I
left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I
am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay
home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking
Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take
her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while
getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day
at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report
back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training
whatsoever that will help me get a job up! On separation, and will end
up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be
unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the
Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in
dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why
not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to
have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I
understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer
and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a
different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using
words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and
head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole
in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy
acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are
completely different from the other services and make absolutely no
sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point
that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for
Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly
illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"
______________________
Signature
______________________
Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix
bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force
women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes
SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah
Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks

Garlic Bread...

It occurs to me that there just might be someone out there still buying garlic bread at the store, pre-made. In hopes that I can help someone, I shall post my "recipe". Nothing special, really, but it seems to go over well.

You will need:
1 loaf of crusty bread, either french or sourdough will do
1 stick of butter, or the tub equivalent, melted in the microwave
1 bulb of garlic, pressed. If you don't have a garlic press, minced works almost as well
2 cups grated cheese-Optional, and the type of cheese is up to you, I find a blend of colby and cheddar works well

Cut your loaf in half lengthwise
Pour the butter over the loaf evenly, using a dinner knife to spread it into the nooks and crannies.
Use half the bulb on each loaf half, and try to spread it evenly.
If desired, sprinkle the grated cheese on top.
Put in oven on the low broiler setting. Put it on the middle or lower rack, too close to the flame and you risk a fire. TRUST ME on this...Check after about 5 minutes. When the bread is a nice golden brown on the edges, you are done.
Enjoy.


Note that an entire bulb of garlic might be overkill for some. When making it for others, I tend to use only a half bulb.

Blogger action figures....

Courtesy of Marko....
Pick a blogger from your blogroll, then pretend they have their own action figure. What accessories would be likely to come with the toy, if you ventured down to the local emporium of many things?

Without further ado, I present the LawDog action figure.
Comes complete with Church Gun, and Pink Gorilla Suit.
By pressing a button on his back, he can be made to utter any of several prerecorded messages, including snippets of Shakespearean plays and curses involving several assorted deities.
Also included is one fishing lure, which fits into the figures nose...
Scale copy of Shakespearean plays, horsewhip and trout available separately.

Bilbo and Gandalf and Gollum, oh my.....

Via Wil Wheaton, I see that Peter Jackson has agreed, in conjunction with New Line Cinema and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc, to make not one, but two movies based on J.R.R. Tolkien's work, "The Hobbit". Oh, yesss, my precioussssss.....
I have waited most of my life for this. The Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit, on the silver screen...words can not express the wonderfulness of this. Of course, we have no date of expected release, and as yet, no director. I don't expect to see it released until 2011 or so, but when you have waited this long, a few more years don't matter, so long as it is done correctly.

Reason for the season...

I've been posting a lot of secondhand stuff lately, just news articles, and quizzes, links to other places...At any rate, not a lot in the way of original content. I'd like to get back to more productive posts, get my muse fired up again. I've been having a lot of good ideas for fiction lately, and my hope is that blogging will help with that.
The title stems from a seasonal pet peeve of mine. Every year, as Halloween passes, and retail starts the push for Christmas, as time draws closer, the inevitable bickering begins between the Christians and the "non-believers", be they pagan or athiest, jewish or wiccan. The "look at me" Christians tend to start it by denouncing the commercialization of their Holy Day, and feel obligated to throw in a complaint about using the term, "holiday party" instead of Christmas party. The Wiccans feel compelled to rebut this with how the Catholic Church "stole" the festival from ancient pagan celebrations as a way to convert people to Christianity. This year, we had Asatruar pointing out how it was actually the old Roman Saturnalia that the church overran in their conversion of the heathens, and when they got to Northern lands, merely continued it, as it had proven a successful tactic once before. They also point out that Jesus could not possibly have been born in December, as the shepherds are described as still having sheep in the fields. (Thank you for the historical viewpoint. I love my Asatruar brethren, but sometimes we get our noses wedged so firmly in the history books that we tend to stumble over things.)
My point is, it doesn't matter what the "reason for the season" is in your particular viewpoint. Regardless of whom stole what from whom, or what you want to call it, this time of year has taken on a life of its own. Yule, 12 days, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzza, Festivus or Winter Solstice, is it too much to ask that we celebrate our particular flavor in private, and accept that not everyone celebrates in the same way? Is it too much to ask that we all resolve to be just a little bit more decent to one another? Not every day, mind you, I'm just saying, for a few weeks each year, maybe we could practice a little bit of tolerance, pull our noses out of other folks' business, and just wish them well, so long as they aren't physically harming us?
Instead of pulling down the pentacle decorations, or getting all eaten up inside over a manger scene, how about you start a quiet dialog with your neighbor who wears the funny robes and smells of incense? Or your coworker who went on a mission last year? If you can't do that, maybe just wish them well, in whatever manner comes naturally, be it Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or what have you. For those being greeted, if the greeting doesn't conform to your personal beliefs, could you just accept it in the manner it was given, which was someone wishing you well? Do we have to fight? Over something as silly as a ritual greeting? When I sneeze, and a Christian says, "bless you", it does not offend me. When I make a purchase at a local store, and the clerk tells me to have a "blessed day", I take it in the spirit it was given.
That's all I am saying, people. Be nice to one another, just for a little while. In a couple of weeks, this will all be over, and we can go back to sharpening the knives and lighting the fires under the oil pot.

How many five year olds?

36

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The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences

The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Intrapersonal You prefer your own inner world, you like to be alone, and you are aware of your own strengths, weaknesses, and feelings. You learn best by engaging in independent study projects rather than working on group projects. People like you include entrepreneurs, philosophers and psychologists. Intrapersonal 93% Bodily/Kinesthetic 89% Verbal/Linguistic 89% Interpersonal 89% Musical/Rhythmic 82% Visual/Spatial 79% Logical/Mathematical 79%